How I Built My Confidence as a Woman in Engineering
Gripping on to my backpack straps while navigating the sea of boys in my first computer science lecture, I felt a wave of relief at the sight of one familiar face. Going to my lab section and finding myself as one of three girls in a twenty person room was not any more encouraging. In a school of 30,000 students, I didn’t expect to feel like such an imposter as a girl in an introductory class.
I told my freshman self that I wouldn’t succumb to the stereotypical pressures and I would immerse myself in computer science with confidence. Two years later, I’m still a computer science major, however the imposter syndrome hasn’t entirely faded. Here’s how I’ve learned to embrace my differences and stay confident in computer science:
Find a Community within Your Major
“Join clubs!” says nearly everyone giving advice to incoming freshmen at high school or college. As someone who rolled their eyes when repeatedly told this, I can promise that it’s worth it. After going to mass meetings of clubs that ranged from astronomy to veganism, refusing to rush Greek Life, and maintaining minimal interaction with my CS peers, I still felt lost at the beginning of my sophomore year.
It turned out that showing up to the Girls in Electrical Engineering and Computer Science club, incentivized by the free pizza at the mass meeting, would change the rest of my college experience. I found solace in spending an extra few minutes at the first meeting when I was on the verge of tears, overwhelmed by the first week of my data structure and algorithms class and looking for advice. The girls comforted me, telling me that nearly everyone faces the same struggles; today, I still look up to them for their positive energy and accomplishments and value their mentorship.
Through this club, I met some of my closest friends and was introduced to amazing job opportunities, but most importantly, I found my community. The negative thoughts that used to flood through my brain when entering an exam room or coding a project, such as: “I don’t belong in this major” or “Everyone else knows what they’re doing”, became less and less familiar to me as I became more involved in GEECS.
Having a community gives you the chance to learn from others, support each other, and recognize your potential. We aren’t meant to tackle obstacles alone.
Interact with Instructors
One of my biggest mistakes during freshman year of college was treating the faculty in my classes as celebrities; talented scholars who impress me, but will never know me. In fear, I reverted to attending lectures virtually for my discrete mathematics class the entire semester after attending the first lecture in person.
I feared that feeling of discomfort when the professor skims through content while I’m still digesting the first five minutes of class. I feared that discomfort of feeling out of place when other students raise their hands for every other question. It was only through my desperate runs to office hours where I realized that the professors and teaching staff want to interact with all their students, not just the geniuses in class.
I have had numerous professors tell me that their favorite part of teaching is interacting with diverse students outside of the classroom. The professors made me feel like I belonged, even though I was often behind in the material. It was the little things, like my favorite professor telling me he’s impressed with my code or my TA commending my commitment to learning that put a smile on my face as I walked through the engineering campus in confidence. My frequent presence at office hours and classes not only boosted my performance, but I even found a community among others who attended OH and befriended my favorite TAs. Now, when I register for classes, I eagerly await the opportunity to meet my professors and attend lectures.
Be Proud
The last, but most important, thing I’ve learned is: be your own role model. Growing up with an extremely talented sister, I have had someone to look up to since day one. She inspired me, and I aspired to be like her. I formed close bonds with new mentors like my favorite teacher in high school, and I went to her looking for answers to all questions I had about my life. While these relationships positively formed who I am today, I wish my younger self was empowered by herself.
People spend too much time feeling envious or in awe of what others do and overlook the potential growing inside of them. I want my younger self to believe in herself like she would believe in anyone else she looked up to. Recently, I have channeled my insecurity of being an underrepresented female in CS into confidence and appreciation for my resilience. As a result, I have felt happier with myself, more independent, and more successful.
I wish I could tell all girls to be amazed by not only their idols, but by themselves as well, because, in reality, every person is as or more capable than anyone else to thrive in what they are passionate about.